confusion...

The month of April was a tough one... I'll be honest.  After receiving the news about Zoe's left (good) eye, everything with her treatment became so confusing.  Zoe's doctors had VERY different opinions about what caused the damage to the left optic nerve and how to proceed forward.  I haven't posted anything on the blog for a few weeks because I felt such a heaviness and didn't really want to talk about Zoe's treatment even though that was the only thing on my mind...
The dilemma:

Dr. Liu, the neuro-opthalmologist from Philly is the expert on optic gliomas... he suggested that perhaps Zoe's left eye was impacted from the beginning and this could not be detected on either MRI because the tumor involvment with the left eye was microscopic.  He said the Vincristine absolutely did NOT cause the pallor to her left optic nerve.  Dr. Liu believes that Zoe's tumor is fast growing.  If his ideas are correct then continuing the exact same chemo treatment makes perfect sense because this regimen was effective in shrinking the tumor and possibly making steps toward restoring vision to Zoe's right eye. 
Dr. Packer, the neuro-oncologist, is the expert on chemotherapy, brain tumors, etc.  He said that we can't rule out the possibility of Vincristine causing the damage - this would be rare, but there are several published studies saying this can happen.  There is too much risk involved and he is not willing to continue Vincristine, end of conversation.

So... what do you do with that???  Sean and I had a lot of intense discussions... obviously causing damage to Zoe's good eye is the last thing we want to do - this has become our top priority - possibly restoring vision to the right eye is now a lesser issue.  However, if the Vincristine is not causing the problem, it's very difficult to walk away from something that seems to be effective and promising (It makes me sick/stressed all over again just typing this...)  During one of our discussions, Sean and I thought Zoe was sitting in the back of the car listening to her music, but apparently she was paying close attention to what we were saying.  She piped up and said in the most serious voice, "I want my eyesight back... I want the blind to go away."  In that moment, we just felt horrible... she's three - she does not need to be worrying about this, but this is her reality...

After many prayers, several doctors visits, conference calls, yada yada, we have decided to continue chemo but only with the drug Carboplatin instead of the Carbo/Vincristine combo.  I wouldn't say that Sean and I have had a major confirmation that this is the absolute correct way forward, but this is a treatment that everyone can agree on... Zoe begins chemo again this Wednesday.