Our family...

*this is a disjointed post, but it all kind of fits together, so just keep reading...

About three months ago, I asked Zoe to draw a picture of our family, and this is what she drew... 5 "smiling" heads with stick legs and shoes.

Some of you know that Brother (whom Zoe calls Cutie) and Sister (whom she calls Beauty) have been part of Zoe's world for a long time... So it was no surprise that Zoe would draw them as part of our family.  Zoe started talking about brother shortly after beginning to talk and then sister followed about six months later.  We hear about brother and sister all the time... And Zoe quickly learned how to use brother and sister to her advantage - if she got a snack, she would need one for brother and sister as well, naturally...

So, going back a bit...  Zoe was diagnosed on January 11th.  On the morning of January 15th (a day or so after being released from the hospital) Zoe randomly said, "Brother and Sister were in bed with me when I was sick... and Brother told me that everything would be ok."  Well, that night we found out we are pregnant.  Kind of interesting...  And I have to admit that I was terrified for a few days that I was pregnant with both brother AND sister at the same time - but I'm not... just one little munchkin.  We should find out in one week whether it is a brother or a sister.  Here is an ultrasound picture from a couple weeks ago.

Because I will be on bedrest again, Zoe and I will be moving to Utah in about three weeks.  We will miss Sean like crazy, and hopefully he'll miss us a bit as well.  Zoe will continue treatment there (unless there are any major surprises with her upcoming MRI in two weeks).  I, on the other hand, will be parked on the swing in the yard eating burgers and shakes from Steph's drive-in.  I feel so blessed to have such amazing family members who are willing (well, willing atleast at this point) to do everything for Zoe and I the next several months.

One last little thing - I have felt really bad the last few months for not returning e-mails, phone calls, writing timely thank you notes, etc; I truly am so appreciative of the way everyone has supported and loved us - please know that... But most days when I had a free minute I was so exhausted or feeling like junk that there wasn't a whole lot I could do.  Please know that we have been so thankful!!!

just because

just because this smile makes my heart happy...

chemo week 8

Zoe's neutrophil counts came up slightly this past week - from 480 to 540. (Neutropenic is anything below 500.)  So, technically she is no longer neutropenic, but just barely above.  We were told to continue following the neutropenic diet and Zoe still can't be around groups of people or go into public BUT she CAN have playdates... which will be so wonderful this week because it is supposed to rain nearly every day. 

Because her counts are still really low, she had only a 1/2 dose of carboplatin again...  Out of the 8 weeks that she has had chemo, 4 of the weeks have been decreased doses of either the carboplatin or the vincristine.  I hope she's getting enough of the drug to actually do the job...  Of course I have asked these questions and have been assured that it will be fine, but it still makes me wonder/worry....

Zoe had such a great day on Saturday!  IT WAS WONDERFUL!!  We went on a long walk and Z wanted to be out of the stroller running quite a bit of the time.  We played hide and seek all through the forest.  At some point, we're probably going to have to inform the kid that just because her eyes are closed and she can't see anybody, that doesn't mean that people can't see her... Sean and I just loved every second of having our little rascal back!

chemo week 7

Sean got to be the chemo parent this past week.  I sent him with a long list of things to ask/things to do...
Things like...
*Get a lab report showing Zoe's absolute neutrophil count.
*Find out what the Lovenox dose is changing to.
*Talk with Evelyn, the nurse educator, and get trained on giving shots.
Just over two months ago, these "things" would never have crossed our minds... but now this is our reality and these are things that have made us more loving and grateful as parents... things that have brought our family relationship even closer... but also things that have caused our little girl pain and discomfort and made her grow up faster than we would like.

Zoe is still neutropenic (really low levels of white blood cells), which means she still has to be isolated... It's been tough because we feel like we can't allow her to be a kid, but actually she doesn't have the energy to do things she'd like to do anyway.  We went on a walk this weekend and normally Zoe would RUN the entire trail, but she didn't even want to get out of the stroller.  It's been difficult for Sean and I to see this change...

bummer

Zoe had another vascular study at the hospital this morning - the blood clot is still there... bummer deal.  So, she'll still be getting two shots a day. 

good news/bad news - chemo week 6

Good news first...  Zoe's new port worked perfectly today!!!!  Thank heaven!  We had a "quick" office visit and now we're home and Z and I are both going to take a nap.

Bad news... Zoe is neutropenic - meaning that her level of neutrophils (the type of white blood cell that fights off infections) is dangerously low.  Not good...  She got close to the neutropenic level a few weeks ago but then her white counts went back up but since dropped a ton this past week.  Her red blood cells, hematocrit, and hemoglobin counts have also been low for several weeks.  So... she is basically in isolation this week and we have to be careful about what she eats. 

If you were looking for something specific to pray for, pray that Zoe's counts can go back up and that she will not get any sort of infection.

I'll be brave...

Zoe has become such a champ about getting her shots.  When we started giving her shots a week ago we were dragging her out from underneath the table and now she will hold completely still.  The other morning when I told her it was time for a poke she said, "Momma, I'll be brave.  I won't freak."  She truly is my little angel.  On Monday, Zoe will have another vascular study to see if the blood clot has dissolved - if so, she will only need one shot a day.