feeling the love!

Zoe was sad that she was going to miss her school Valentine's party because she had to be at chemo.  BUT she has the most amazing doctor, group of nurses, and child life specialist and they had planned a special day for her while at chemo.  I had to take Claire to the doctor, so I didn't get to see everything first-hand, but I cried when Sean called to tell me about everything.  Tiffany, one of Zoe's nurses arranged for a friend named Alex to come and give Zoe a violin concert of Disney princess songs.  Can you believe it?!!  And they didn't even know at that point that Zoe played the violin.  Alex, the violinist, and nurse Tiffany's daughter work in DC and they came to the chemo clinic on their lunch break.  Can you believe how thoughtful people are?  It was so incredibly touching to me that they would think of doing this for Zoe.  They also had a Cinderella gift box filled with chocolates, as well as other goodies for both Zoe and Claire and fun Valentine crafts.  Zoe was so excited to tell me all about her day.  I'm not quite sure I can express how much it means, as a parent, to have people continually doing amazingly thoughtful and selfless things for your child.  We constantly feel the strength and love that comes through prayers, kind thoughts, notes and packages in the mail, and thoughtful gifts to entertain and uplift Zoe.  I feel like every week is chemo Christmas for Zoe.  At the moment, Zoe has a "back-log" of gifts because people have been so thoughtful and generous... I blink back tears at least daily as I think about it.  Our family feels so loved and so supported right now... 

Valentine's Chemo - 2011 and 2015

peeing in a cup

Just to lighten things up a bit on this blog...
I'm overhearing the girls playing upstairs and Zoe is teaching Claire about peeing in a cup.  Made me laugh!  Such are the details of her life... and I hope we perfect the details because last time didn't go so smoothly. eeek!!!

the FAITH of a child

Zoe’s child-like faith continues to amaze, inspire, and teach me.  As I have seen her accept her current situation, I am humbly reminded how precious the faith of a child is… I asked Zoe why she seems to be ok with things and why she trusts that her dad and I are making the right decisions.  She said, “because you are my parents and because you pray.”  (sheesh - a response like that is kind of heavy and makes you want to make sure you don't screw up!!)

When we told Zoe that she needed to do chemo again, she was scared and obviously didn’t want to go that route again.  From her perspective, her parents were asking her to walk toward a “hell” that she had already visited… a “hell” that she had recently seen several family friends visit…  But she became accepting of this… Why?? Because her parents told her it was best for her - that going through the trials associated with treatment would eventually help her tumor.    

When I became a parent, I began to understand more about the love and awareness our Heavenly Parents have for their children.

(yes, I believe not only in a Heavenly Father but a Heavenly Mother as well… A conversation for a different time if any of you want to have it… for now I will just refer to Heavenly Father or “God”) 

The relationship we have with our Heavenly Father is just as real as the relationship Sean and I have with Zoe…  God knows and loves His children individually and perfectly!  He is familiar with the smallest details of our lives.  Life is full of challenges for a reason - although often we don’t understand that reason.  There is purpose in trials.  (There are trials that come into our lives and there are trials that come about due to poor choices of others… )  Do we trust that a loving Heavenly Father would not place a trial in our life that would eventually be for our good or for the good of those around us?  Do we have faith like a little child?

One of my favorite scriptures regarding trials is found in the Book of Mormon, in Alma 7:12.  “And He will take upon Him death, that He may loose the bands of death which bind His people; and He will take upon Him their infirmities, that His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that He may know according to the flesh how to succor His people according toe their infirmities.” 

This scripture explains that Christ not only suffered for our sins, but He took upon him the pain associated with our sickness, our heartache, etc.  Any difficult thing we experience, Christ experienced.  WHY??  So that He would know how to perfectly “succor” or support us during those times.  Why did a loving Heavenly Father allow His son, Jesus Christ, to suffer in such unimaginable ways?  Why was this trial not removed from Christ's life? Because Heavenly Father knew and Christ knew that this trial would eventually be for the good of all.

so far so good

It seems almost too good to be true, but Zoe hasn't had any negative effects from chemo!  The first few days after her treatment I asked her probably 80 times  "Are you feeling ok?"  and five minutes later "Are you STILL feeling ok?"  I'm sure I was more than a bit annoying!  Even though I knew this treatment would be easier than last time around, it has been kind of surprising that she has felt totally normal (other than her headaches.)

chemo day

Friday started with a 6 AM family dance party to "You Don't Know You're Beautiful!"  (I don't think my children will ever learn to sleep in!)  We got Claire packed up and off to spend a fun day with Aunt Jen and then the rest of us left for DC.  I drove so I can feel semi-competent driving without Sean for future visits.  We didn't die on the way there, which is slightly a miracle - the farm girl in me can't handle driving in DC.  

When Zoe had chemo last time around, our insurance, Kaiser Permanente, didn't have their own pediatric oncology team, so that was contracted to a group outside our insurance.  Since then, Kaiser hired some of those same oncologists and nurses and created their own group.  So, although we don't go to the same chemo clinic as last time, we still get to have some of the same wonderful doctors and nurses.  AND those doctors and nurses make all the difference!!!  We feel so grateful to have such awesome medical care for Zoe!  Zoe's primary oncologist, Dr. Perdahl acts like she has all the time in the world to answer any question and she is very responsive to emails, calls, etc.  The nurses are awesome as well, and one of them could make a lot of money as a stand-up comedian.  We laughed the entire time Zoe was getting the chemo infusion - real laughing that makes the muscles in your cheeks hurt.  We were at the office forEVER but it went quickly because we were being entertained the entire time.  

We left the house at 9:30 and by the time we got Claire and went to the pharmacy, we didn't walk back in the door until 6:30.  We were all exhausted!  I don't know why doctor days are so tiresome because you don't do anything besides sit, but every time we go we come home totally spent!  Thankfully, a friend made an absolutely delicious dinner.  So we ate, and everyone was in bed by 8:30.  How's that for a Friday night??!